...

I'm gonna make it by any means

I got a pocket full of dreams

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ah, i remember the time when i used to jump a lot and goofy around a LOT

it's been a while, i should go out more often i guess

i just enroll myself to the fight club (no i'm just kidding)

The wise man said “IF IT HURTS, IT'S PROBABLY WORTH IT’

Well lets talkin about getting hurt to feel alive, yes, to feel alive (am I some kind of self abuser?! NO). Lately I was thinking about myself (and talking to myself too, I’m not crazy and I’d love to talk to myself). The new job I had now, which I’m still trying so hard to understand why I choose this crazy one instead the steady previous one, is getting better in some aspects. The salary, the crazy work hours, the people, and the office they’re like some kind of fruit mix in a plate served with a spicy-sweet-sour sauces (the thing that my stomach can’t resist, but my mouth longing for it). One day I was driving home on the highway at 3 in the morning after had so much hell for working more than 12 hours, and suddenly I cried while driving without a reason. And I stop at the emergency road side and thinkin “why the heck am I cryin?!” And I consciousness answered it with “because you need it, it makes you alive”.

You know I believe that sometimes something happen for a reason. Why i took the job, why I have to meet such an ignorant guy (and fall for him for stupid reason, doh!), why I have you start to take a photos again, why I have to feel so many rejections (which sometime makes believe that I’m not that good). And there’s only one answer for that, because it’s worth it, it’s really worth it.

My life is all about ups and downs (and a flat dying line sometimes). It never was too easy, but in another way it never been too hard for me. I guess all this shity things that comes into my life will somehow lead me somewhere, somewhere I don’t know (and can’t even imagine where). It might brings me to a place that I really wanted, but it also can lead me to somewhere I don’t expect it. Yet, at the end all the bruises I got will leave a mark, a mark that will remind me that life is something that you can’t be predicted but still something you can always be thankful for.

currently listening to this while writing (been listening it for the whole freaking day actually)

...

Dear alien,

I know that I easily will fall for you for the first time I see your works. I’m suck I know that. And by the second of your witty line, I fall. Just like a lil girl when she gets her first doll (tho i chose a robot toy instead of a doll). Well what can I say, I like you. And I know I’ve been like you for a while. And I know that it’s just not right (and it feels not right for me too I guess). But I think that I need to tell you that, for my own sane. Cause it’s been a while and it makes me crazy (oh no, not you, I meant the feeling, and don’t get too cocky). I would love to blame you for this, cause you know that stupid and tricky way you got, really gets me – but I don’t think it’ll be wise blaming someone for your own feeling since you know you’re just being yourself (I know you’re gonna say “hey I didn’t do anything” )and I’m just being moron.

Heck there I’m saying you this, with a lil hope that this will be some kind of reliever for me ‘cause I know it won’t affect you in any forms. And don’t ask me why, because I know that if I say that I like someone I never met (skype doesn’t counts) I’ll sounds like an idiot (which I am, doh.) and I know you probably will think that “oh jezz dude, you know what I told you about –something is better left unsaid- thingy”, well I think I’m not a something-is-better-left-unsaid person, I tend to tell how I feel (tho I notice that I’ll regret this later, but who cares)

Okay then enough said, I guess I’m done with this stupid letter, and I must admit that no matter how evil you are, you really hit me on the right place (and I guess you never meant to, and again I’m stupid). Oh well I blabbered a lot, thanks for your time. Just in case you will take this as serious one, don’t; just pretend that this is randomly things you found on the street, like the street sign – you read it and you continue walk (cause that’s what –I think- I’m gonna do with my feeling for you).