On the day you’re gone

On the day you’re gone, I didn't cried. Not a tear. Everybody was so in despair. Mom couldn't handle it. Everybody was just stood in front of you. Shook their heads, did not believed that you’re gone, so fast.

On the day you’re gone. It was rained, so hard. I can feel the sad air all over the house, the garden, the street, the sky. All really sad and mourned. 

On the day you’re gone. You look so tall, and skinny. We wrapped you with your favorite batik cloth from your mother. We can smell the camphor all around you. It was making me sad, the smell. It’s a scent of death, and i'm sad.

On the day you’re gone. I build a shield around me. Nobody can touch me, or hug me, or pat me in the back. Not event my boyfriend. I was really really sad that I couldn't handle people watching me or facing me with sad face.

On the day you’re gone. We’re all relieved, that you no longer feel those pains you got in your head, in your chest, in your heart. I wish you could've saying some wiser words to us, because its been a really tough time for all of us, your kids, wife, family.

On the day you’re gone. We drove you to cemetery. The rain stopped. Everybody was there. People from your new office; old office, your clients, your business partners, your former boss, people you’ve been helping before, your enemies, my friends, mom’s friends, people from your in-law’s office, the becak guy who you always assigned to clean our garden, the guy who fixed our tv antenna, the owner of thrift shop whom you always shared your favorite hobby. I could listen them reminiscing their good time with you.

On the day you’re gone. I watched them turn your face and body facing the ground. We said loads of prayers. Wishing you a peaceful rest, that we glad God took you so easy in between your sleep and everybody was there until your last breath.

On the day you’re gone. Everybody walked way. I stayed for a couple of minutes. The soil was orangeish wet; it stuck in between my toes. It stucked like it wont let me go from the place i were standing. The minute they put the wooden headstone with your name. It felt like i have the same exact size of wooden signage stabbed into my heart too, and its hurting to bones. and i cried so hard, inside.

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