on humor

As much as we enjoyed this new life, we both are facing many obstacles. Which i think very common, especially with stubborn couple, like us. Small things becoming huge, and the other way around. You know the stories about one did not put the dirty clothes in the laundry basket, or one did not close the bathroom door. That shits, it happened, unavoidably. Not to mention individual habits, one is a morning person, the other is an night owl. One has a mild OCD symptoms, the other is just go with whatever suit the mood.

In the beginning it’s really hard for me to understand the entire situation. I am a very straight forward person, in the other hand; E is a very quiet one. Sometimes words that coming from my mouth sound really harsh for him and his quietness irritated me (we know this all along; it’s a matter of the amount of time we spent together, it is becoming more intents). Argument over argument happened once in a while. Sometimes it’s really hard. Sometimes it’s really easy. It makes me think about those people who passed their golden year marriage life. How’d they do it?

If you Google this situation, they all said communication, understanding and you know, all those positive verbs like the one in the self-help book will came out. Sadly, as someone who studies about human relation, i did not believe in self-help books, neither do E. Sometimes i pretend that our house is a social experiment lab, with two individual lives together trying to solve their problem together. I’m taking a self-note of whats not and to. I guess E’s also did the same way, of course, quietly.

However, I’m happy that we agreed to the bigger ideas of all this. Goals, future plans, who manage what (even tho i still insist that household works is both works,...damn it gender studies!). But yeah, this is all about not sweating the small stuff and a little humor. Wait, no, loads of humor! i think the key to pass all of this is to sharpening our ability to transform madness into humor. Well that’s just me, making summary of my mental social lab after this short span of period. I think when one loses their ability and not willing to put effort just to laugh about the situation, then we might need a counselor.

2016

Wow! Sudah 2016. Janji-janji batin untuk menulis di tahun lalu sirna begitu saja. Sepertinya dikarenakan tidak terlalu banyak yang bisa ditulis, atau terlalu banyak sampai bingung sendiri. Atau mungkin kemalasan yang menunda. 2015 banyak sekali memang hal yang terjadi. Saya memutuskan untuk mengambil pekerjaan dalam bentuk paruh waktu. Memulai usaha kecil bersama teman & teman. Menjadi manajer senang-senang untuk band ukulele yang jenaka. Dan menikah. Yep, membina hubungan di level yang menurut saya ajaib.

Semuanya terasa baru, dan menyenangkan. Keputusan untuk mengambil pekerjaan paruh waktu sebenarnya didasari kelelahan menempuh perjalanan dari pinggiran kota ke ibu kota. Waktu terbuang percuma dan produktifitas saya cenderung rendah. Setelah berjalan hampir setengah tahun terkadang saya memang rindu kubikal dan ramenya suasana makan siang kantoran. Tapi ketika mengingat “rame”nya di jalanan dan drama urusan kantor, saya bersyukur memilih pekerjaan ini. Awalnya tidak mudah, saya yang terbiasa bekerja rutin baik jam maupun timeline bekerja mau nggak mau harus membiasakan diri. Bisa bangun siang, tapi kerjaan menumpuk. Yah, hal-hal semacam itu masih harus belajar banyak.

Dan dipenghujung 2015 kemarin, saya dan E pun menikah. Tidak terlalu banyak yang bisa diceritakan bagaimana kami akhirnya memutuskan untuk menikah. Tidak ada acara romantis “bend on his knees” dan teriakan histeris “i do”. Ketika saya dan E memutuskan untuk menikah, kami berdua sadar bahwa kami harus “conscious” saat melakukannya. Tidak mendramatisir keadaan dengan menambahkan romantisme-romantisme sendu dan sejenisnya. Bukan berarti tidak indah. Indah, tapi mungkin dalam level yang tidak umum. Setelah beberapa bulan hidup di bawah satu atap kami sadar bahwa kami berdua ajaib. Dan pernikahan adalah salah satu hal yang ajaib. Tidak ada janji-janji atau komitmen yang muluk-muluk layaknya pengantin baru. Kami berdua sadar, bahwa perjalanan luar biasa menanti kami di masa depan. Banyak sekali rencana dan mimpi-mimpi, baik secara individu maupun kolektif yang ingin kami capai, dan tidak banyak yang bisa diucapkan selain “one step at a time”. Ini kemudian menjadi filosofi baru di rumah kami. Kami memutuskan untuk mencerna, menikmati pelan-pelan, kehidupan baru kami berdua. Tidak ada yang perlu diburu-buru. Kami punya seluruh waktu bersama untuk mewujudkan mimpi dan menikmati keajaiban yg kami pilih.

Well, semoga tahun ini kami berdua bisa merasakan lebih banyak keajaiban lagi, dan kalianpun demikian.

...

Dear Dad,

How have you been?! Everybody wishing you a restfully life over there.  It’s been a while since I talk to you. We haven’t move any furniture in the house ever since. You know, you kinda like doing that, every weekend! You know how I would feel uncomfortable every time I went home and the tv position is changing or the dining area, or my bedroom stuff. Now I kinda miss it.

And every weekend, my lazy days of course, you gets to woke up the whole house with your favorite jazz music, especially the one from Bill Saragih and Nat KingCole. I can’t remember weekend without music in our house.  Once we have a Christmas jazz album playing and mom looking at you with squinting eyes (you always think Christmas song are so joyful and makes you happy, works for me i guess). Mom still doing your habit, but you always know she never into jazz, she played Julio Iglesias or Andrea Bocelli all the time. Sometime i saw her from the upstairs, smoking her cigarette listening and wandered. i guess she also miss you.

Every weekend you gets to fix our garden and the washing room, you think its messy. Mom always yelling whenever you put too much water on her plants, say you will kill it, on your defend the more water the more healthier (oh dad). On your lazy days you’ll just polish all the wooden furniture or starting to rearrange the walking closet and stop in the middle for napping and ask me to finish it in the end (oh dad).

You remember every weekend you always ask mom to cook something special, your favorite rawon, opor anything consist meat and coconut soup? Mom didn't do it much now, we’re into fish and veggies, I guess when you’re still here you will think the same way ;)

Do you remember your granddaughter? She’s grown so much now, she starting to eat and learn to sit properly. Mom always help with the feeding time, blessed to have her around to help cause you remember our feeding time when we were kids (ha!). I know you’re not allowed to be close with her. Everyday you always peeked through the door sidelines, smile and calling her name. One time when everybody’s not around, I saw you coming into the room to touch her hand and give her a kiss goodbye. Now every time she’s laugh or smile or seems like talking or seeing something (of course baby don’t talk and the eyesight is still poor, but let’s pretend she did it) we believe it’s you who she communicate with :) she’ don’t smile that often (of course, like her mother) but we believe she’ll grow as a lovely amazing person, like you always believe us will be.

We still have the usual porch-chat after you left.  It was really hard time when you insist to build that porch while the rest of us disagreed with your choice? But now we understand it. That porch unites the family. Now we always sit there and reminiscing the good old time with you.

Oh Dad, we've miss you so much that sometime we all cried inside. We know for the past 2 months you’re not able to speak, we believe that you would say something like “take a good care of yourself, your mother, your sister, but the most is yourself. I've been taught you a lot of things and now you get to use that to continue your life without me, so I won’t be worry of you. I know I've been saying "no" all the time for your life choices, but you know I love you and I’m happy if you’re happy. I always proud of you, you know. And I want you to live your life in a very happy possible way”

We’re going to visit you tomorrow, and don’t worry I wont forgot your favorite flower! Here’s something for you, see you soon, Dad!

Your daughter,

Rin.

On the day you’re gone

On the day you’re gone, I didn't cried. Not a tear. Everybody was so in despair. Mom couldn't handle it. Everybody was just stood in front of you. Shook their heads, did not believed that you’re gone, so fast.

On the day you’re gone. It was rained, so hard. I can feel the sad air all over the house, the garden, the street, the sky. All really sad and mourned. 

On the day you’re gone. You look so tall, and skinny. We wrapped you with your favorite batik cloth from your mother. We can smell the camphor all around you. It was making me sad, the smell. It’s a scent of death, and i'm sad.

On the day you’re gone. I build a shield around me. Nobody can touch me, or hug me, or pat me in the back. Not event my boyfriend. I was really really sad that I couldn't handle people watching me or facing me with sad face.

On the day you’re gone. We’re all relieved, that you no longer feel those pains you got in your head, in your chest, in your heart. I wish you could've saying some wiser words to us, because its been a really tough time for all of us, your kids, wife, family.

On the day you’re gone. We drove you to cemetery. The rain stopped. Everybody was there. People from your new office; old office, your clients, your business partners, your former boss, people you’ve been helping before, your enemies, my friends, mom’s friends, people from your in-law’s office, the becak guy who you always assigned to clean our garden, the guy who fixed our tv antenna, the owner of thrift shop whom you always shared your favorite hobby. I could listen them reminiscing their good time with you.

On the day you’re gone. I watched them turn your face and body facing the ground. We said loads of prayers. Wishing you a peaceful rest, that we glad God took you so easy in between your sleep and everybody was there until your last breath.

On the day you’re gone. Everybody walked way. I stayed for a couple of minutes. The soil was orangeish wet; it stuck in between my toes. It stucked like it wont let me go from the place i were standing. The minute they put the wooden headstone with your name. It felt like i have the same exact size of wooden signage stabbed into my heart too, and its hurting to bones. and i cried so hard, inside.