Too much motivational quotes about anger just gets me even angrier.

I know. I may not be a always-in-positive-thinking-and-cheer up-all-the-freaking-time kind of person. Once in a month I gets angry. Once in a random month I feel angry like punching someone in the face. And in between I feel like shouting and yelled. That's me. I once in a while, had a feeling to rip someone's mouth with a scissor.

Will that makes me a bad person? Will that makes me a smaller person? Or like the wise man said "it destroyed you", will it destroyed me? or makes me a weak person?

Well, I'm not a bad person. Trust me. I just think that we, well me and some of you who share the same feeling, should be able to deliver our feeling. The feeling of anger. I don't see the point from holding it inside. Grudging it. Or just ignoring it. I think that's not right. I would like to be able to tell someone that "hey, that makes me angry. Do you think we can sit and discuss about it?"

I just don't understand people who stick with the goddamn quotes and let alone the anger burning deep inside them. I'm not talking about physical abusive anger. I'm talking about  the feeling.

Do you think you will sleep better with that? I know I can't. Do you think that, quoting Ralph Waldo's, for every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness? Because I know that if I can deliver the feeling and let the person know about my feeling so that we both can learn something from it, it will makes me happy.

Cause you know, none of us can read one's mind, and not everyone is given the ability to be sensitive toward one's feeling.

So i guess...get mad, sort it out, and get over it.

on one-night stand

As we know that, this particular relationship (can I call it 'relationship'?) lately has become very familiar in our modern society. I’m not judging anyone who actually lives with this type of relationship as their philosophy of life (I had my moment anyway). Just recently, one of my good friends told me that he’s been doing this particular relationship while at the same time he engaged to a really lovely lady, who is also my friend. Was actually shocked and thought that, oh wow yeah, very classy of you buddy. Oh and this has nothing to do with gender, man and woman, can have their equal issue.

So it came across my mind, why would someone having a loveless passionate (well not sure about this being involved, but I assume this also contributed in the activity) night with other person without any string attached? To break out of routine, work stress, alcohol, and adrenalin rush? Or is it the opportunity, for having a non-paid sexual activity with someone who –at least interesting for you at that moment?

I think human beings can not be separated from the temptation of having a tremendous experience without actually thinking about having the responsibility as a couple (or obligation to snuggled, or caressing, or lovey-dovey thingy). To experience other things beside your routine activities; or to feel being a care-heart-less person for one night; or just simply let the alcohol beat your sense for once. I guess in our deepest heart, we wants to feel those feeling, at least for one night. But then again, will you sacrifice your devoted relationship, your common sense, your inner voices just for having a one-night-heartless stand?

i guess everyone -in their conscious stage- realize the consequences. good or bad. it's just, will you ignore it or not?

...

Millions of galaxies of hundreds of millions of stars, in a speck on one in a blink.

That's us, lost in space.

currently feel this

...

there's a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out.

and we sleep together like that

with our secret pact

and it's nice enough to make a man weep,

but I don'tweep,

do you?

~Charles Bukowski

palsu

Manusia terkadang tidak menjadi dirinya sendiri. Terkadang. Manusia malu. Takut. Merasa tidak aman. Tidak nyaman. Terkadang palsu. Kepalsuan itu yang kadang membuat manusia merasa lebih berani, tidak malu, tidak takut. Lebih nyaman. Lebih aman. Lebih bahagia? Ah saya nggak tahu kalo itu. Yang saya tahu, saya pernah memalsukan diri saya,..dan saya ngga bahagia karena itu.

Apakah kamu (pernah) memalsukan diri?