29th

Not many things to share at the moment. Im 29^th now. Got a contract based kind of job for 2 year – probably not that nice but it paid my bills and I traveled around. Still doing some photography  - and of course, the instagram. Still singing while taking a shower – no. the voice’s not so good, but it makes me happy. My parents expecting their first grandchild this November – I refuse to be called with ‘Bude’. Once a while I miss my bali life – not the job. I gave up stalking people on the net now – it doesn’t matter anymore, and besides being away from the net is kinda peaceful. I like to draw at the moment – not a pro one but colors makes me relax. I miss to cook – and thinking about Italian cooking class next to my office.

Oh well im 29^th now. No, not that old. I still dream to see the world – will ignore my dad who said “it’s teen age’s dream”. I’m still a persistent person – with negotiating ability improved. My grammar still sucks – who cares. Despite all the craziness that happened, I wish I am a better person now. Not for everyone, just for myself.

happy belated birthday me.

i just enroll myself to the fight club (no i'm just kidding)

The wise man said “IF IT HURTS, IT'S PROBABLY WORTH IT’

Well lets talkin about getting hurt to feel alive, yes, to feel alive (am I some kind of self abuser?! NO). Lately I was thinking about myself (and talking to myself too, I’m not crazy and I’d love to talk to myself). The new job I had now, which I’m still trying so hard to understand why I choose this crazy one instead the steady previous one, is getting better in some aspects. The salary, the crazy work hours, the people, and the office they’re like some kind of fruit mix in a plate served with a spicy-sweet-sour sauces (the thing that my stomach can’t resist, but my mouth longing for it). One day I was driving home on the highway at 3 in the morning after had so much hell for working more than 12 hours, and suddenly I cried while driving without a reason. And I stop at the emergency road side and thinkin “why the heck am I cryin?!” And I consciousness answered it with “because you need it, it makes you alive”.

You know I believe that sometimes something happen for a reason. Why i took the job, why I have to meet such an ignorant guy (and fall for him for stupid reason, doh!), why I have you start to take a photos again, why I have to feel so many rejections (which sometime makes believe that I’m not that good). And there’s only one answer for that, because it’s worth it, it’s really worth it.

My life is all about ups and downs (and a flat dying line sometimes). It never was too easy, but in another way it never been too hard for me. I guess all this shity things that comes into my life will somehow lead me somewhere, somewhere I don’t know (and can’t even imagine where). It might brings me to a place that I really wanted, but it also can lead me to somewhere I don’t expect it. Yet, at the end all the bruises I got will leave a mark, a mark that will remind me that life is something that you can’t be predicted but still something you can always be thankful for.

currently listening to this while writing (been listening it for the whole freaking day actually)

...

I’ve been not myself lately.

I always love to shoot, maybe since I was on junior high. I’m a visual person. I can imagine some visual things beyond any other people, I guess. I snap what I like, what I feel. I interpret my works with my own thought. I never cared whether people would understand it or not. I just don’t care. I just do what I like.

But for the past couple months, I’m not myself. I do networking to upgrade some knowledge about photography (in this way, I feel this is the right way to learn). In other way, I became very consider what would be one thinking about my works. This lead the way i shoot. I shoot what people expected me to shoot. I try to satisfy what they want to see. Yet I feel if I can do that, I can be just as good as they are.

But lately, I somehow feel that it was so wrong. I miss the way I shoot. I miss looking at my own works and see it the way I used to see. I miss to shoot with my own imaginary. Someone told me that my previous works can be just lucky shots (since I know nothing about photography techniques). What if it's true, that I was just lucky? Does it mean I can’t be good with that?

Before I wrote this, I randomly preview my past works. I feel warm inside. I still remember how I feel on the day I took the shots. And it does feel good. And I think I should just get back working the way I used to be. Do it with my own way. And what about people, should I care, or just ignore them? Well I guess I just let people think the way they think. I don’t mind if they don’t like it, it just a matter of different perspectives. While at the moment, I still can learn a lot thing from their perspectives too.

Oh, I’m not a photographer. I just love to shoot.

film is not dead, it just smells like a hair straightening chemical

Last night me, anas, sidiq and khrisna are tryin to develop our own films. It’s not the first time for them to do that, but surely that’s my first! Well, im not goin to explain step by step here, but if you guys interesting in developing your own film, you can always find the tutorial on the net.

We haven’t seen the scanned result, but the negative seems okay. Now I can’t hardly wait to get a real analog :D

Okay, im not saying this is easy to do, but you can try cause it’s fun!

See the step by step here "dummies"

memories

People’s memories are maybe the fuel they burn to stay alive. Whether those memories have any actual importance or not, it doesn't matter as far as the maintenance of life is concerned. They're all just fuel; advertising fillers in the newspaper, philosophy books, dirty pictures in a magazine, a bundle of check. When you feed 'em to the fire, they're all just paper. The fire isn't thinking, to the fire, they're nothing but scraps of paper.

It's the exact same thing. Important memories, not-so-important memories, totally useless memories: there's no distinction—they're all just fuel!

currently listening to this while writing this post